WAKEshine

You can add power to your life by learning to evaluate other people’s criticisms.  Often they go straight to our nature (for example, "you aren’t being very nice") instead of dealing directly with the issue at hand ("I want you to give me a ride to the airport and you’re not doing it").

People tend to criticize you based on your strengths.  If you really were not a nice person, then there would be no impact of somebody accusing you of that.  It’s because you’re nice that it does sting.

But your "niceness" should be evaluated by you, not others.

Many people use self-talk when they criticize.  They use criticisms they’ve heard, either from others or from their own internal voices.  Learn to listen to whether their criticism applies to them, especially in the current situation.

A woman I used to work with was in tears one day.  When I asked her what was wrong, she showed me an email she had received from her adult son.  It was filled with mean accusations that she was disorganized, couldn’t hold a job, didn’t care about others, and similar attacks.

I asked her to do me a favor and read the email one more time, but this time imagine it was a letter that her son had written to himself.  I asked her if the email made any sense that way.

She read it again and looked slowly to me.  "I’m sure he does see himself this way," she said.

By seeing it through his "lens," she was able to reply in a way that addressed the real problem–which was not any of the shortcomings he accused her of in his email.